Kelly Mei, Period 1, 10/12/2023

Kelly Mei

Period 1

10/12/23

Modern Mythology 2024


Socio-political Consciousness

Title: My identity.


“She’s such a great girl. She’s one of my best friends for life.”


It may have sounded right to me when I was younger, but during the present, I couldn’t help but flinch at the words. They felt too.. Gendered. Too foreign. That was okay, right? I am a girl, I should be happy to be referred to this way. There’s nothing wrong with the words, they aren’t wrong. Why did I keep feeling this way?


I believe we, as a society, have always labeled our surroundings to a subjective point of view. Or, in simpler words, we will always have stereotypes. Take when a person is associating concepts with women. Most people would have an image in their head, dainty and delicate. Take when a person is associating concepts with men now. They would have an image of a person with pants and a somewhat lean build.


Those physical associations would then lead to more internal association, women being seen as more vulnerable and sensitive whereas men are seen as cold and mentally strong. With this, it creates an unhealthy mindset on how the social norms are, ridiculing those who break those social norms. What if a man started crying? Those who spent most of their time associating men with a sturdy attitude would start associating feminine labels to that crying man, as crying is usually placed with sensitivity.


Stereotypes are harmful. I’d like to argue that there is no stereotype that can be good. It’s not like being associated as a female is why men who cry dislike being labeled as such, it’s the erasure of personal identity is why it's so harmful. Nothing is wrong with being defined that way, however, society uses that adjective to what may have been a positive connotation with females, to ridicule and mock males instead. “Extreme gender stereotypes are harmful because they don’t allow people to fully express themselves and their emotions.” (Gender Identity & Roles | Feminine Traits & Stereotypes, n.d.) – society is built off of walls of stereotypes that don’t truly represent who they really are.


I, unfortunately, experience those stereotypes as a non-cisgendered Asian American. Though America is a melting pot of culture, that also means there’s many assumptions of said culture. Born a female, I’ve always been treated differently than my little brother. I was chosen last for the tennis team picking in my gym class because of my weak figure despite being passionate about it. Every time I interact with a boy, people would automatically assume that we were together because we are of opposite sex at birth.


Those assumptions had a negative impact on me. Why did only people go off of what knowledge they already had to place those associations and not get to know me? Even if they’re partly right about some of them, it felt like the people did not understand me as a person and more of me as a concept. I believe this is why stereotypes can be harmful in today’s society.


“They’re such a great person. She’s one of my best friends for life.”


I was nervous to try my new pronouns. What if I didn’t like using them in the long run? I decided as a safety net to try both my pronouns, she and they. Though, after months of using those sets of pronouns, I found that people are more likely to refer to me as a ‘she’ and only a ‘she,’ despite me using both of them.


While not implied, it felt like people had kept associating feminine stereotypes with me. So, I wanted to try something different.


“They’re such a great person. They’re one of my best friends for life.”


Then, my mind started to spiral. What if I wanted to identify as a guy? Identifying as a gender that I didn’t associate myself with was an overwhelming thought. Though I didn’t mind the idea of feeling feminine, I didn’t really feel comfortable with the idea of being a female. Would a feminine boy be accepted to society? What will people assume then? Will they assume something about me?


In recent years, more and more people are getting comfortable with identifying as a different gender identity and or using other pronouns than their set ones by birth. In a Pew Research survey, “about four-in-ten Americans (42%) say they personally know someone who is transgender.. And about a quarter (26%) say they know someone who prefers that others use gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” instead of “he” or “she” when referring to them..” (More in U.S. Now Know Someone Transgender or Using Gender-Neutral Pronoun, 2021)


I realized something after the years of trying to find out who I am and why I am that. It’s okay to not have a reason, if it feels right then it’s right for you. Gender is a multitude of spectrums, and no one is bound to one identity. If they feel as if they would fit a different label, that’s okay. If they feel as if they were really cisgender all this time, that is also okay.


It took me a while to come to terms because I was afraid – what if that wasn’t really what I wanted? What if what I label myself as, is something entirely different and I just used the wrong term for it?


And that, past me, is that it’s completely okay, because it takes time to be happy with what you yourself identify as. There’s no need to rush.


Citations:

“Gender Identity & Roles: Feminine Traits & Stereotypes.” Planned Parenthood, www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/sex-gender-identity/what-are-gender-roles-and-stereotypes. Accessed 7 Oct. 2023.

Minkin, Rachel, and Anna Brown. “Rising Shares of U.S. Adults Know Someone Who Is Transgender or Goes by Gender-Neutral Pronouns.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 27 July 2021, www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/07/27/rising-shares-of-u-s-adults-know-someone-who-is-transgender-or-goes-by-gender-neutral-pronouns/.