Karen Khvan, Period 2, 11/29/2022

 Goal Setting & Growth

At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why

I came into senior year thinking the hardest days were behind me- everyone had raved about the

trials of Junior year, and I had emerged in pretty good condition. I had managed to survive SAT season

and SING season all at once, and I thought that I had seen it all. No one could have prepared me for the

train wreck that is the first semester of senior year. I had heard about the dreaded Common Apps, and yet

it didn’t hit until I was forced to write about the hardest part of my life on paper and pray that some

random stranger thought that I was “strong” enough and let me into their college. College season also

made the environment much more toxic- people are desperate to edge out the competition and prove that

they are better than everyone else. Feeling unsure in oneself has been hard enough throughout these four

years- mixing in the possibility of not getting into a good college and being drowned in debt all because of

self doubts fueled by comparison has taken a heavy toll on mine and many others mental health. Add in

BC calculus and I can confidently say I have never felt more stressed in all my times at tech than I am

now.

Rant aside, it hasn’t been ALL bad. I managed to find a creative outlet through SING (which was

its own set of stress for the past months), and my work directly contributed to SFV winning which was a

pretty cool sense of gratification.

My current goal is to try and eliminate the uncertainty I feel in myself and my abilities. I want to

be proud of the grades that I have achieved, even though they may be lower then some of my friends or

others in the school. In reality, my grades aren’t even bad- they are primarily ranged from A- to A+, with

outliers for Geometry and Chemistry. My grades and SAT score and other stats do not define who I am,

although that may be difficult to believe when we go to a school that promotes academic competition. I

have to allow myself to grow as the person I am now, not side by side to someone else. I refuse to continue

to be swept under the waves of disappointment I feel whenever I hear that my grade point average isn’t as

high as someone else's, and will try to continue to do so when college acceptances start coming in.

How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?)

The battle to achieve this goal is not a light one. Academics is pushed not only in school but also

in my household- like many other students at the school, good grades to my parents are expected and not

really celebrated. I have to remember to be proud of all that I have achieved. I have gone through so many

personal battles since starting high school. I had to learn to adapt to a completely new environment, and

how to mold myself to learning during the Pandemic. I managed to maintain high grades while staying

after school until 5 and beyond both end of last year and beginning of this year.

Similarly, I remind myself that my grade does not reflect my personality in class. I pride myself on

trying to be a good student- I participate, try to engage, and will do my tasks to the best of my ability

despite outside forces. Just because I got a grade I may not be satisfied with does not mean I didn’t try or

was too lazy to continue. I know that I am a good student, and I have to accept that my test scores do not

equal my classroom etiquette.

How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

Going to a specialized high school is incredibly challenging in the sense that you feel like you’re

never enough. There will always be someone smarter, someone who is doing more volunteer work,

someone with much better statistics. It is easy to get lost in the rushing thoughts of self pity and

confusion. Therefore, it may seem silly to try and be satisfied with myself when everyone else is constantly

pushing and comparing. I don’t have many connections from other schools- all I know is tech’s

environment.

However, the whole point of having a goal is to follow it and stick to it. I refuse to allow myself to

waste the next couple of months in self doubt, waiting anxiously for college acceptances. I may get

rejected in schools that others will get accepted in, and I have to focus on getting myself in the right

headspace to be alright with that. It won’t be easy and it may not work sometimes- in the end, I recognize

that it is a problem and I believe that that is a start, despite what others may say.