Evelyn Jiang, Period 7, 12/15/2022

Evelyn Jiang
Period 7
December 15th
At this time of the year, a good chunk of Tech students are starting to hear back from the colleges
they applied early to. Of course, that brings a great deal of anxiety and disappointment, but also
relief and exhilaration. At this time that I’m writing this, I haven’t heard back from any college
that I’ve applied to yet. Brown Early Decision comes out very inconveniently next Tuesday, just
in time for my calculus and chemistry test.

Some people say that I refuse to acknowledge the good and hope that comes with this process,
but I don’t agree. I like to think that I’m realistic with my standards now. As of now, I am hoping
to get deferred. Yes, an acceptance letter would make me bounce off the walls, but how realistic
is it when the ED acceptance rate is a mere 14%? How realistic is it when the deferral rate is
25%? How realistic is it when the rejection rate is 60%? Chances are, I’m getting rejected.
My standards for myself are heavily influenced by external factors, but I keep a few things in
mind that nothing can change.

I am going to where I meant to be. Rejection is simply redirection.
I crafted these standards by asking myself “what would I want to hear after a brutal rejection
letter?”. Applying to college is an emotional process, and I’ve tried to prioritize my mental
health above everything else. I’m not particularly religious (maybe slightly superstitious) but I
find it hard to believe that just because something didn’t go the way you wanted it to, your life is
suddenly thrown off track. I believe as long as there is a will and a passion, you will end up with
what you want. Maybe you won’t get everything you want in life, but college is simply just a
stepping stone.

For me, these standards are just something I want to keep in mind. They’re not overly optimistic,
nor are they pessimistic. They are realistic, and I think that’s the most important part to me.
I have demonstrated resilience towards achieving these standards by trying my hardest to not slip
into the slippery slope that is negativity and imposter syndrome. Over writing essays and
reviewing my applications, I’ve learned that I am my own worst critic. If I fall into saying
self-deprecating phrases to myself, I will feel worse, and my goal is to not do that to myself.
Ultimately, my goal isn’t to get into an Ivy League college (although it’d be pretty nice). My goal
is to not drive myself insane with negativity and self-sabotaging habits. I show resilience here
because although I have been doing that to myself for the past few years, I am actively trying to
get rid of those destructive habits, at least for one of the most stressful times in my life. I am
actively choosing to be kind to myself, despite everything else going on now.

I access myself and my progress by making sure I am keeping up with healthier habits. No
skipping meals, taking mental health breaks, and hugging my stuffed animals are all habits I
want to implement more, especially now. If I find myself slipping, I shut off and either go to
sleep early, or end up taking the next day off altogether. To adjust my standards, I talk to my
friends who are also going through this stressful time. They see me differently than I view
myself, so it is helpful to get someone else’s opinion, and then access my situation.

Over this strange time, I’ve learned how to take care of myself more mentally and emotionally.
To me, that is more valuable than any college acceptance will ever be.