Michelle Kordov, Period 7, 10/19/22

Recently, I have been experiencing the ups and downs of being a senior in highschool and being a teenager in general. In fact, I have been pondering who I am as a person, what I want to do, and why I am here. When I think about specific standards that I have for myself, I sometimes fall down a rabbit hole of existential questions. On the surface level though, I can say that I feel as if I constantly hold myself to a high standard. That’s how it's always been. Academics have been a focal point in my life ever since I started going to school, and my grades always reflected that dedication. I don’t allow myself to slack too much and get bad grades or test scores. It may not only be because that’s what is now expected of me, but because my grades are one of the only things that I think define me. I am considered “smart''.” I go to a “smart” school, my parents call me smart, my friends think I am smart, and I have to live up to that standard. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly proud of my academic achievements, and I am always keen on obtaining more knowledge and learning about the world around me. But perhaps this academic standard of mine could be linked to deeper insecurities. If I don’t have my knowledge, then what do I have? 

Truly, I believe that an educated society is the best society. Educated people move their communities forward towards progress. But if I zoom into the smaller picture, my life and the lives of those around me, I see people who constantly feel as if they aren’t enough. Something I think is funny is that no matter how much I don’t want to do an assignment, and I procrastinate as much as I can, it always gets done. I have that sliver of self discipline that allows me to stay on top of things. I appreciate that, but I still think that one day this will backfire.

I also think of myself as an honest person and as an advocate for justice. As I have been immersed in the world around me, divisive politics, current events, etc, I realized that I am very passionate about fairness. One of my personal standards is actually being fair, and I judge people when they lack that sense of justice. I think it is necessary for humanity. For some reason, I am deeply hurt by bad things happening to good people, as if I can feel a part of their pain, so I don’t understand those who don’t care about helping others or worse, those who inflict the pain. When it comes to demonstrating resilience towards these standards, I research the topics I care about and obtain facts. I am always ready to stand up for myself and others, and I don’t think I will ever willingly submit to ideas that I myself don’t believe in. If more people were honest, the world would be a better place. 

As a teenager, I think I have been changing a lot these past few years. Especially with the intensity of social media presence. We are exposed to so much nowadays that I think it's impossible to stay the same. I assess myself when I notice I’m feeling down. If I am experiencing more negative thoughts than usual, I take a step back and try to analyze the roots of the problem. Usually I notice that my pessimistic states are related to my lack of self care, confidence, and passion. Pretty generic concepts, but very difficult to actually work on, especially at this age. But maybe it will always be hard. To uplift myself I might sleep a bit more, watch something new on Netflix, or journal. 

Currently, my standards include being an honest person, with myself and others. Educating myself on the world around me, and showcasing kindness to others. Everyone always needs at least one person to be there for them; no one can go through life’s turbulences alone. I emphasize education and I am set on going to a great university and truly finding myself there. Being 17 years old, I know that I shouldn’t push myself too hard. Everything will be okay, and I think that one’s happiness comes not from your achievements, but from acceptance of the world around you.