Lucy Kwan, Period 7, 5/9/22

 Lucy Kwan, Period 7, 5/9/22

Goal Setting & Growth

At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why?

As AP season rolls by, I find myself having to strike a balance between the goals I have for my academic pursuits and the goals I have, personally. On one hand, I have tests and obligations that I must keep to, especially regarding school work and work in general. However, while the short-term goal I have to graduate and make it to college peacefully is taxing on its own, I am more passionate about the goal of creating and publishing my own comic. This has been a goal I’ve had since pretty much as long as I remember, when I used to read manga as a child and make little doodles and stories in the pages of my notebooks. Later on, while I enjoyed the things I read, everything would just be slightly off my tastes, and I eventually realized that the story I wanted to read could only be crafted by none other than myself.

How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?)

For perhaps the past half year, I have been spending much of my free time preparing references and honing my comic skills, but still finding myself procrastinating on it over and over again. I kept doubting my abilities and fearing to take the plunge, afraid of failing and wasting all of my precious free time again. But a few weeks ago, I heard about Line Webtoon’s Call to Action contest and decided that this time, I would throw my best and hardest efforts at creating a submission for this contest. Roughly 2 years ago, I had attempted to enter a similar contest for a short story submission, and failed miserably once the initial inspiration started wearing off. But even if that experience was a bust, I learned from it and progress is pretty smooth for this attempt. By far, the most difficult part of this goal, however, is balancing it with school. While I recognize the importance of my academics, I honestly would say I value this comic more. It’s not to say I’m completely shirking my responsibilities for some funky little pictures, but this is a dream I’ve had since childhood, and simply the pursuit of it brings me more joy than having perfect grades or going to a top college.

How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

Creative work is, in the eyes of many, not a “real job.” To be honest, while it might be a dream of mine to be able to live off of it, I know how cutthroat and low-reward the field is, plus I feel no attraction towards becoming a tool for some studio to churn out drawings. And knowing this perception, I’ve spent the past four years conflicted over my passions and what is logical. But after introspection this year, I’ve realized that the paths I have always seen in front of me are not the ones I must take. It’s sometimes difficult to come to terms with the idea that the beliefs you’ve held for ages might be wrong, be it regarding politics, humanity, or life as a whole. And though it’s not as if my worldview has changed or anything, it’s been a rocky transition for my academics-obsessed self to accept “good enough” and redirect my attention to the things I really love.  I don’t want to simply consume media anymore, to read others' works and think things like “I wish I could do that too,” or “If only I had more time.” As I grow up and mature, I’ll only have less and less time, so if not now, when would be a better time to pursue my dreams? Frankly, the time I’ve spent in this class has also helped me form this new perspective, as discussions of humanity, nihilism, and the impermanence of life have really made me want to value the time I have more. Maybe it’s alright if I want to “immortalize” myself through my stories. Maybe it’s alright if I’m not the perfect, studious scholar but rather just “myself.” I just hope that if I ever come back to this blog again, I’ll be able to pride myself in the steps I took forward.