Lisa Gerasimova, Period 8, 3/2/22

Lisa Gerasimova

Modern Myth Period 8

3/2/22

Literacy & Learning

    We’re reading Grendel. I love it. From the moment I read the first paragraph of the first chapter, I was in love. I understood Grendel, I felt for his struggles and empathized with his self-destructive decisions. A classmate told me after the first chapter that she hated Grendel. That I could not understand. Grendel is a novel where every single word, every space and comma and period have untold meaning. And sometimes I’ll read over a sentence, have no clue what it means, then read it seven more times, still at a loss for what it means except I know it means something beyond important. It’s ineffable. Then I’ll write it down and go into class waiting for the slide where we analyze that sentence. Grendel has meaning even when you’re not quite sure what it means. And despite everything, despite Grendel’s supposed ‘detachment’ from humanity, his villainous history, sometimes I think he is far more human than Unferth or Hrothgar or Hrothulf combined. His moral and ethical struggles make him a complex and ever-learning creature, and I feel myself learning with him, rooting for him, suffering with him. 

    Grendel also sticks with me far beyond Period 8 Myth. All day I think about what happened in the chapter I read last night, and for a few hours after school, before I fall into the ever-present rhythm of work and transit, I can still feel myself surrounded by some sort of Grendel-aura. I am not someone who commits to nihilism, either perspective that we have covered in class, but here and there I see the pleasure of it. I can understand the satisfaction of convincing oneself that everything is meaningless when every day feels like the exact same thing over and over and over again. I can see the logic in needing to believe that in the end, nothing matters for anybody when you’re so much worse off than someone else, or when the world seems too terrible with war and hate to begin to change. I also know that this outlook on life will not lead to more meaning, and more likely than not, less happiness than in other cases. Hope drives humanity after all. 

    As for a worldly view: I am Grendel watching another stupid war. Another pointless arms race of who has the better guns and who is superior and who can spread the most propaganda and who can cover their motives better. I am watching the Hrothgars of the world face off while their citizens get caught in the crossfire, and all the while the Shapers spin stories this way or that. The parallels of our world and Grendel’s are innumerable, and yet the lessons are never learned. And like Grendel, the more I hear about the glory of one Hrothgar, or how poor Hrothgar of ‘this place’ is such a victim, the more insufferable it gets. Too many shapers and too many Hrothgars are the center of attention today.  Too much information, too many voices changing the history of the past minute for motives they won’t disclose to anyone, yet everyone can guess. Grendel helps me keep my eyes and mind open. It helps me force objectivity onto emotion-driven opinions that arise from me. Our lessons remind me that the only thoughts we can trust are the ones we’ve looked at from more than one angle, because behind every story, movement, and idea, there is an agenda.