Charley Baluja, Period 1, 12/2/21

Goal Setting & Growth

At this current point in time, what specific goal(s) do you have for yourself? Why? 

Right now, I have several goals for myself. Okay, that’s largely a lie. I have dreams, and I have passions, but goals are scary. Goals represent steps towards things I have only ever allowed myself to daydream about, towards things that are so far away that it barely feels like I deserve them. That’s why I chose this prompt: to allow myself to see my dreams as potential realities. For logic’s sake, we’ll start small. I want to be happier. To achieve this, I am going to emphasize the little things that make me happy in my daily life. I already sort of do this, as I have developed a habit of blowing kisses at things that make me feel happy. Today, I blew kisses at the orange-gold amber sky at sunrise, displays of beaming Christmas lights, and my dog. It was difficult to develop this habit because these small moments of happiness are always overshadowed by the heavy weight of living as a busy teenager. I have never been more stressed, tired, and generally miserable than I was this month. I have only ever genuinely fallen asleep in class three times, and they were all in November of this year. Thus, I want to sleep more. This means actually enforcing some sort of bedtime, which I have been horrendously bad at doing as of late. It also means giving myself time to breathe by working on time management...a goal that will have to be accomplished through incredibly tiny steps. Lastly (and this feels more personal than it should), I want to read at least one poem a day. This is entirely achievable, but sometimes it feels as if I shouldn’t let myself have that little joy because I haven’t completed [insert assignment] and it’s already nearly 1 in the morning and life won’t stop for my little joys. However, it is little joy that keeps people going. I have to appreciate the little things I try to do for myself in order to get through the stress. 

How do you demonstrate resilience towards achieving this goal? (or these goals?)

As previously stated, my goals feel harder to achieve than they should. I know logically that it wouldn’t take much to make time and space for myself, but the concept of that in the context of my life feels difficult. Thus, resilience, the ability to recover, is something I’m still working on. “Recovering” feels like a dismal idea. I “recover” every day, if that, and barely. I “recover” just enough to face another day with more assignments and responsibilities. I “recover” just enough to always have to “recover” again, and again, and again. On that incredibly edgy note, I think resilience is achievable. I think just breathing is a good first step. I usually don’t let myself get upset, but I also don’t stop myself when I am in the midst of overwhelming stress. Being able to take a breath and calm myself down in those moments will help me face them. I also think I am resilient in that I can keep going, despite everything. I hope that setting these goals and working towards a better, calmer me is resilient in and of itself. 

How does the world around you affect your perception of this goal? (or these goals?)

Beyond my own stress, the world around me is usually hectic. Obviously, I go to a school where sleep deprivation, stress, and miserableness are the norm (especially among seniors). Out of necessity, for better or worse, we are facing these circumstances together. In a way, I think that helps. I have friends who are more stressed, busy, and tired than I am - but they make time for happiness. They buy themselves their favorite coffee, spend time with their friends, and create gorgeous poetry. That’s the truth of the matter, really. If I wanted to address the aforementioned “dreams”, I’d say that my ultimate goal is to be an artist. I want to be a poet, a master of prose, a singer of hand-spun lyrics. I have a long way to go before I can consider myself that, but I can start by feeling more like a person. I’m hoping that I will learn to slow down in the fast-paced world I exist in. 

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